It's been a long time

Hey!

It has been such a long time since I wrote my last blog, since I promised myself “I would write after this trip” so many times, and since many friends of mine brought it up: “When are you writing your next blog?”

I just have this sudden impulse to write something today, after over a year, here at the HNL airport in Hawaii, sitting at 47C after boarding, with a terrible sore throat and a cold, writing in the Apple Notes app on my tiny iPhone 13 mini.

I guess it’s finally time to write something down. I’m glad I haven’t lost this feeling, even though it’s been over a year.

Where should I even start? The past year might have been the most drastically changing year of my life, even though it wasn’t the most transformative one (which was definitely during the good old college fuck-up days). I remember talking to friends whom I hadn’t seen in over a year: I moved to a new city, I got a car, I got a job, I have a girlfriend, and most importantly, I love every part of my life right now. I feel fully content. I don’t think heaven can be much better than this, and I’m grateful for every day I have right now. It’s ironic that, after stopping my search for God, I feel more grateful to this higher power/creator, to myself, and to my family and friends. I’m the sum of the interpersonal relationships I have. I’m the sum of the national parks I have been to.

Speaking of national parks, I’m proud to say that I have checked out 47 out of the 63 national parks in the US. It’s probably where all my PTO has gone and will continue to go for a long time. It’s scary for me to imagine both hitting the last national park and not hitting the last national park at the same time.

After experiencing so many different ways of living this year through people I’ve met, people I look up to, and people I love, I have a somewhat clearer picture of what I want to become and who I want to be with. When I hold the screaming little boys who are my girlfriend’s cousins, I realize a bit more clearly what it means to be a parent. When I jump into the glacial lake after a 6-hour hike in Glacier National Park in Montana, I realize a bit more clearly what it means to be one with nature. When I start working behind a screen five days a week, I realize a bit more clearly what it means to be free in life. A lot of the old life lessons everyone talks about never worked for me until I had the opportunity to experience them myself. The truth is unspoken but so crystal clear in many ways, just like the untamed water in the high country.

I also started going to concerts. I had never been to a single concert by the end of college, except for the free one Ed Sheeran did back at Duke. I guess life was too eventful to have time for concerts. My college life was a concert every day, while I was the protagonist. The independent life now could use a bit more bold color and sound from concerts. I went to see Laufey (twice), LANY, Lauv, Zach Bryan, and Bleachers all across the US. Honestly, every time has been a blast. I feel free and am able to scream the loudest from the bottom of my heart each time. These concerts get me into a deep flow state where I don’t give a shit about anything else but my emotions, which truly feels better than being high. I plan to go to more concerts when my favorite artists are in town.

I also really enjoy life here in the Bay Area. Every time I talk about this, I have to be specific that I’m a fan of the Bay Area but not really the city of SF. It’s interesting that I think I’ve found my retirement lifestyle so early. I am not a fan of city life, city noise, city food, or city traffic. Coming to Oahu, Hawaii, this time made me realize how much I cherish the peacefulness of where I live, as opposed to the constant noise of the city. I hate crowds. They make me choke. I would not hide my dislike of city life. The constant crowds and noise might be the reason I got so sick on this Hawaii trip.

Time in college was like the air we breathe. It seemed so abundant that it gave me the illusion that it was free and limitless. Only now do I realize how precious our time is. The time I have for myself is virtually just the weekend. It’s so hard to find time to keep in touch with old friends, let alone make new friends. That being said, I still feel so content with where I am, as I have found someone I love. I learned so much about love, loving, and being loved this year, and I couldn’t imagine how beautiful and lovely she is. I would be extremely happy if my life just continued the way it is now.

Okay, that’s probably enough random thoughts for this flight, even though the plane just took off. I hope I get this feeling more often so that I can post more frequently. I’m just glad my blog self is back, even if only for a little bit. I genuinely enjoy writing, and probably from now on, I will not even use AI to proofread. I imagine that in the future, text produced by humans will be a historical relic that is so rare to find. Hopefully, my crappy writing can be a hidden gem, or just a rock in this crazy, crazy world.

I love you.